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My favorite Seal song for obvious reasons.

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First all, let me talk about her intelligence. Of course her physical beauty is what first caught my eye, but it was her articulate insight and understanding of philosophy that kept me around. I had never come across a person with such a passion for knowledge and truth. It excited me so much and gave me back all of the hope that I had lost about the world. She woke something up in me that had been aching to get out for years, but was unable to due to the people that I had surrounded myself with.

When she introduced me to Objectivism, I fought hard against the logic she was presenting me with. I was honestly frightened because long held comfortable truths were quickly dissolving before my eyes. Also, I realized that logic and truth had become my enemies for some reason, and this was the first time in a long time that I had considered them to be allies. Without her I would probably still be lost on the tumultuous sea of moral subjectivism, and subjectivism in general. I may have been able to pull myself out of the mire eventually, but I doubt to the level that I am at now because of her.

Her active mind woke mine up. From Objectivism to anarcho-capitalism to “I’m feeling X but I don’t know why” has been the healthiest journey of my life. I have her to thank for being relentless and passionate in her pursuit of the truth.

She has helped me to stop finding comfort in illusions and face reality no matter how hard it is to look at. When I read back on my old journal I see that despite my deep cynicism with the world, my goal from the beginning was to disillusion myself. No one has helped me achieve that goal more than Colleen and I owe my life to her for it. That was my highest value all along, what my true self wanted, and her true self is what allowed mine to come out and actively pursue the truth.

Her intelligence is one thing, but what she does with that intelligence is what I really love her for. She lives her values. I mean, really, truly lives her values. Her example has helped me to live mine as well, and I still think that living your values is the road to happiness.

She is someone I want to spend my life in awe of. I can not imagine my life without having such a wonderful person by my side. I feel extremely lucky for finding her and brave for pursuing her when I did find her. She uplifts me in every aspect of my life.

We do have times when our relationship is hard, especially when we are really looking at our painful past. Honesty is something that was stifled for both of us as children and something that we still find to be a fearful pursuit. But when we are able to look at each other, and realize that we are here for each other to help and not hurt, the honesty serves to strengthen everything about us and our relationship. That she is willing to help me overcome my past, and be trusting enough to let me help her overcome hers… just another reason that I love her.

I desire to back up my talk with action. I want to show her that I love her by living my values as consistently as possible, being honest with her and helping to lift her as high as she lifts me.

I love you Colleen. Thank you for loving me.

So in the past week I have had a few bad experiences with fire:

• Toaster Oven Fire (that I got to test out my skills in using a fire extinguisher)
• Oil fire (that very nearly burned down my kitchen and left my apartment stinking of burnt oil)
• I left my BBQ on for 3 hours and it was glowing red hot when I found it
• I went camping and was nearly unable to start the camp fire due to wet wood

Well, today the fire gods decided to test me once again. I woke up unusually early and sat down at my computer. I noticed some shadows going quickly by my window. I opened up my shades and saw smoke and ash billowing past my window. I grabbed some dirty clothes, my cell phone and a fire extinguisher and ran out the door. I went around the corner of my apartment building and an entire tree and corner of the building was on fire. I quickly dialed 911 and considered trying to mellow the fire with the fire extinguisher but then the fireman on the other side of the phone told me not to. I then ran inside and grabbed my laptops, safe and a couple backup hard drives and started piling them by the door. Within 3-4 minutes the fire department showed up and tore open the plastic siding off the corner of the building and put out the fire.

I went back inside and looked at the small pile of belongings that I deemed worthy of saving and laughed. I just thought, “When I move, why do I even bother with the rest of this stuff? What I have here would fit in the front seat of my car.”

…so I don’t know what I am going to do to appease these fire gods, but at least I saved my apartment from burning down. Guess I’ll go sacrifice some animal flesh or something and buy some extra fire extinguishers…

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I just wanted to get a tally who actually reads this blog anymore. I am doing some spring cleaning and would like to limit my “members only” posts to those who actually care about my personal life. Go ahead and leave a comment on this post if you are still interested in reading my “members only” posts. This coming Sunday I will clean out anyone who has not replied.

Anyone who is interested in the rest of it, just stay subscribed to the feed and you will see the open posts.

Thanks!